Why Initiating Sex Is So Important
We all like to feel wanted, sexy, or handsome. When our partner lets us know that they are “down to get down,” even though we might not be in the mood at that exact moment, it feels good to be desired!
Knowing how great it feels to be wanted, we also know how it feels to be rejected. It hurts and it isn’t a feeling that we like to experience. It is important to be aware that when we typically wait for our partner to be the primary initiator, it too can come across as rejection. If one partner chooses to take the back seat and wait to be approached every time, it can send a message to our partner that they aren’t desired.
Communication with your spouse or partner about initiating sex is such an important building block in elevating your sex life and strengthening your connection.
At first, this may seem overwhelming and maybe a bit scary. A lot of us were brought up in homes where sex was not talked. There may have been feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment around the topic of sex but it’s time to light that limiting belief in flames. It’s time to start talking about sex. It’s time to start talking about what we like and what we don’t like between the sheets. It is time to start embracing our sexuality and accepting ourselves as sexual beings. We were all born into this world as sexual beings and we need to learn how to talk freely and openly with our partners about it.
Putting the initiating role on one person’s shoulders in the relationship is not setting your relationship up for long term success. Each part of the partnership needs to contribute their part to the equation. If you have sex twice week or twice a month, each of you should initiating once. Expecting the same person to initiate every single time is not only unfair, it is setting your relationship up for some unexpected outcomes.
Feelings of anger, rejection, resentment, unworthiness, and disappointment are just a few that I’ve dealt with in client sessions. When there is a more balanced initiation equation, both members of the relationship feel wanted and desired and this builds the level of intimate connection.
Initiating can seem daunting if you have never done it or have scarcely attempted it. It can be scary if you have been rejected or misunderstood when you have initiated with your partner. This is where communication can pave the path and make it a whole lot easier and much more fun. YES! It can be a ton of fun!
Sitting your partner down for a chat or taking a walk and having a conversation about initiating can clear up any miscommunication or awkward moments. When you can openly discuss what initiating looks like for you and the moves that you are comfortable making towards your partner, it begins to bring a sense of comfortability to what has been uncomfortable up until this point.
For more tips and guidance feel free to reach out! We can set up a consultation and start working on elevating your level of intimacy. I have a lot of fun exercises and tools that you can add to your toolbox for years to come.